Bar Mitzvah: Bar Mitzvah literally means ‘a person who is now responsible to keep the commandments of the Torah’. Where I came from (an ultra-orthodox Chasidic family), this made sense. Today, for most, this makes no sense at all. So with little option most in the community cling to rituals which don’t make much sense and don’t satisfy our spiritual needs.
The first dilemma most parents face is going to Shule. Put simply, if Shule represented anything meaningful to us that we should choose to celebrate our most important moments in life, why then do we not go to Shule more often? The answer is because going to Shule in most cases for most people gives nothing back. So then it seems a little empty or even hypocritical from the child’s perspective at least, to opt for a Shule experience now.
And so most kids spend most of a year learning to read a random portion of the Torah in a language they don’t understand. What have they accomplished? Some level of discipline, sure. But why not marry the discipline with content that is in itself rich and meaningful?! Instead of reading about sacrifice in the Temple or some other obsolete law, surely it is far better to read a passage with meaning. Like The Ten Commandments. Abraham challenging God. Or the laws of the ideal society in terms of care.
And if they don’t know Hebrew, let them read it in English. And don’t spend the entire precious time of this journey exclusively on the reading. Much more important I think is to engage the children becoming young adults with deeper questions. Why am I doing this? What is my Jewish identity made of? Should I care? How is this relevant to my current and future life? Can my tradition inspire me?
Additionally, I believe that the journey should involve learning a repertoire of Jewish song. I believe music is the greatest tool we have for connecting spiritually. Religion is no exception, in fact much more so. But it also has the added advantage in this case of giving the young adults more entry points into their tradition. Whether they attend a Holocaust, Israel, or High Holidays, event, they will feel a greater belonging when they know the songs being sung.
Obviously though, all is guided by the interests and strengths of each individual child. The more musical extend in that direction, the more philosophical in that. No end points must be reached, it really is about the journey. The ceremony is its organic culmination.
Bat Mitzvah: all the above is obviously just as applicable to the young women’s experience. However, there is an added huge issue that most Shules are not even allowed to offer the equivalent experience. Young women can’t lead the reading in the way the boys can. And I think this is entirely ridiculous and not in line with our most precious Enlightenment values. I was blessed last year with a beautiful daughter, I’d be damned if she will not have the same opportunities.
It is therefore my especial honour and tremendous pleasure to guide young women on this journey. The resulting ceremony inspires me to the core, each time. Seriously, if these girls read the Torah and lead in singing, the Shules wouldn’t be so empty.